Angel Falls Christmas: A Turtleneck Angel-splainer Christmas

WATCHING THEM SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO™ Pull up a metaphoric chair, Christmas romcom fans!

Plot synopsis (mild spoilers):

“Dollar Tree Alanis Morissette” is a driven ER doc, in love with 3-year boyfriend “Jake Gyllenhaal/David Schwimmer Lovechild.” She adores her job, he feels “meh” about his… and he doesn’t understand her inability to enjoy life, or her contempt for Christmas.

His romantic proposal is derailed by her being a workaholic twerp who can’t turn her phone off. They’re both sad, and make wishes to be understood, which are overheard by… magic Christmas tree ornaments?

Said ornaments manifest in Charming Small Town (still big enough to have a hospital and an ad agency 🤷‍♀️) as Bargain Bin Jeremy Renner Angel (who delivers every line in the gritty-whisper Batman voice, with a squint I think he assumes is sexy) and… Maureen.

Yeah, so… um, screenwriters? You gave the dude angel the (painfully obvious) name “Gabe,” and his lady-boss angel (somehow more ancient and wise than ARCHANGEL GABRIEL? Really???) the inexplicable name “Maureen.” How did they not come up with a more religious-sounding female name? Mary? Therese, maybe?

Gabe is the annoying turtlenecked mansplainer who (platonically) teaches Alanis the True Meaning of Christmas by engaging in décor/baking/charitable activities with her, and nodding gravely whenever she talks about her deåd parents.

Meanwhile Maureen takes a receptionist job at Jake/David Lovechild’s ad agency, where she (omg SO ANNOYINGLY) chirps “wise” platitudes at him, convincing him to follow his dreams.

Just in case you think there’s no plot-twist… there IS! Will Gabe lose his powers by attempting to use them selfishly? Watch and find out!

Ratings:

🎄Acting: 1/10 (impressively awful)

🎄Holiday Charm Vibe: 5/10

🎄Touching Message: 3/10

🎄Yelling Things at Your TV While Watching: 9/10

🎄Adorable pets: 0

🎄Adorable children: 1

🎄“Diner” which inexplicably lacks a kitchen: 1

🎄Baked goods: many

🎄Fake snow quality: tragically unconvincing

🎄Where to watch: Amazon Prime