Mistletoe Mixup: A Nepo Babies Christmas
I wanted this to be a reverse-harem romance, but… y’know, I also asked Santa for a pony, and I probably won’t get that either.
This is a vanity-project starring and bankrolled by apparently every member of the Joey Lawrence clan (lo, fear us… our name is legion, for we are many).
Joey Lawrence was the hairdo from 90s sitcom Blossom. Titular actress Mayim Bialik went on to get a PhD in neuroscience. Joey Lawrence went on to make cringey bubblegum pop and appear in straight-to-DVD movies.
A creepy child-angel breaks the 4th wall and gives us a smug look when FMC Anonymous Blonde makes a Christmas wish to “meet Mister Right.” Oh no! She meets TWO guys named “Mr. Wright,” and (cue the laugh track) they’re brothers with a cranky rivalry!
One is a white-collar type in an ill-fitting suit, who talks like an MLM guru from a company that sells d¡ck-pills. The other is a humble blue-collar dude who doesn’t own a cell phone because he “lives in the moment.” (My husband’s quip of the night: “This thing is like if a Boomer Facebook post became a movie.”)
The brothers compete for her affections. End of story. There’s an “eccentric” family (all members of the actual Lawrence family). There are “funny” moments where the brothers act like idiots and Anonymous puts them in their place because She’s Not a Prize to Be Won. There are scenes where Facelift Granny overshares about the sex-life of her youth, or gives “wise” advice.
And, denying us the edgy RH Christmas Romcom we all deserve… there’s the 11th hour introduction of a childhood sweetheart for Joey Lawrence to fall for, so the runway is clear for his brother.
Summary: an unfunny parade of missed opportunities, its existence likely owing to Lawrence’s real-life bankruptcy settlement.
🎄Acting: 3/10
🎄Holiday Charm: *sigh*… NO
🎄Touching Message: swing and a miss, buddy
🎄Yelling at Your TV: 7/10
🎄Adorable Pets: random-ass horse
🎄Adorable Children: not adorable
🎄Baked Goods: 11th Hour Blonde owns a bakery (natch)
🎄Fake Snow Quality: some real snow!
🎄Where to Watch: Amazon Prime, and the Lawrence Family living room, I’m guessing